But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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