The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how drunk are you?
Several
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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