I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
