You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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