Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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(718): View more from New York

Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

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(443): View more from Maryland

She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(858): View more from California

currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh

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(647): View more from Ontario

I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you

(289): View more from Ontario

Is that a sex thing?

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(718): View more from New York

in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay

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(785): View more from Kansas

you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!

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