did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize