help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
