Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
