Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
