Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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