i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
