Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
