the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
