I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
