Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
