He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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