I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
