We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
