apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My cat gives me a boner
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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