I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
