I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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