Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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