I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
