..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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