I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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