First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
