just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
