i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
