why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
