I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
