p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
