So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
