He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
