I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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