hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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