My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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