What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
