haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
