I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
