i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
