Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
