That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
