just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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