And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is classic penis vs brain.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize