You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
