the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
