Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
