I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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