I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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