Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
