you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
