piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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