Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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