Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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