great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
