giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
