It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
