it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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