she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
