i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
