I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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