No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
