just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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