He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
