people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
