I got chris browned last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
