More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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