she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
