this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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