you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
