the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
