I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
