i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
